The Child Within Us

Mind & Spirit : NST Life & Times 26/4/2010

http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/articles/20100426233728/Article/index_html

By CHIM LI YEN 

“It is necessary to own and honour the child who we were in order to love the person we are.
And the only way to do that is to own that child’s experiences, honour that child’s feelings, and release the emotional grief energy that we are still carrying around.”
Robert Burney

EVERY one of us has a little child residing within. This child has been with us all along, even in our adult lives. The inner child is the voice from within that has guided and directed you in life. Carl Jung called it the “divine child” while other psychotherapists called it the “true self”.

The inner child determines how you act later in life. It can help you understand and resolve patterns of behaviour that may be holding you back. Understanding your inner child helps you to identify your dreams and ambitions. The inner child stores emotional experiences and memories from our childhood. A newborn child, innocent and vulnerable, is dependent on others for his survival. While physical survival is fundamental, love is secondary to the child. The child perceives any expression other than love as being due to his fault.

As children, it is natural for us to express love and to be free — playing, singing, dancing, exploring and creating just for fun. Children feel emotions and their reasoning mind doesn’t interpret or question them. They accept some people and reject others because of the emotions people project.

Dr Alexander Lowen, a pioneer in the field of body-oriented psychotherapy, claims that feelings of guilt and unworthiness are ingrained in the first three years of our life. We all struggle with the fundamental wound of separation and a sense of being disconnected from the Source.

As we grow older, we find ourselves looking for that connection in such things as music, nature, drugs, television or alcohol. We find it when we meditate, pray or by being silent as we listen to our inner voice. We are always searching for that connection to resolve the pain of loneliness we feel deep inside.

What is your greatest fear? For some of us, it’s the fear of being alone. The fear of growing old without anyone to share our lives with, constantly haunts us.

A child starts off life by being fascinated with everything around him — grass, toys, a beetle and his own toes. Like a sponge, the child absorbs all experiences. The world can seem frightening sometimes as he cannot control what goes on.

We learn to be emotional according to the emotional energy at home and our reaction to that energy. Each sibling will react differently according to how they learn to defend themselves and adapt to different circumstances. If our parents are always fighting, when there is disharmony, disrespect and manipulation at home, we learn to be like them. We lose our innocence, our freedom, our happiness and our capacity to love.

Imagine a two-year-old boy running in the park as Mum watches him. After some time, she tries to stop him as she is afraid he might fall and hurt himself. The boy thinks that Mum is playing with him so he runs faster. Seeing the child move towards the edge of the drain makes Mum more afraid and she finally catches him and smacks his bottom. The child was expecting Mum to play with him but got a rude shock instead. Such experiences gradually stems his willingness to love.

Running and playing as a child’s expression of love is no longer safe because parents punish you when you express love. And we wonder why we have problems expressing ourselves as adults.

Parents are not to be blamed as they do their best to bring us up, using methods they have been taught as children. If you want to understand your parents better, just talk to them about their childhood and by listening to them with compassion, you will learn where their fears come from and you’ll see them through new eyes. The knowledge is required for your own freedom. You can’t free yourself until you free them for the blame you have been placing on them, outwardly or otherwise. You can’t forgive yourself until you have forgiven them. If you demand perfection from them, you will demand perfection from yourself and life can be miserable.

Next week, we will explore the different aspects of the inner child. By doing so, we can fit in the missing pieces of the puzzle that we are. Welcome to your journey back to wholeness.

Special Promotion : 20% off Inner Child - Findhorn Flower Essence till 9 May
http://www.thevioletflame.com.my/products/inner-child.html

** The writer is co-founder of The Violet Flame Holistic Shop and Therapy Centre, Bangsar. She can be reached at info@thevioletflame.com.my or visit www.thevioletflame.com.my for further information.