Change And Transition

Change. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, change is defined as ‘to make different’ or ‘to replace or make a switch from one to another.’

Transition on the other hand means ‘a passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another.’

Is change different from transition?

I found out the difference of the two words when I chanced upon the book titled The Way of Transition. A change is like moving from one job to another, only to find that I have jumped from the wok to the frying pan – it is undergoing a shift in physical reality without healing the main cause of discomfort.

Transition however, is comprises 3 phases – first phase: the ending, second phase: the neutral zone (where everything is possible) and the third phase: the new beginning. The learning that takes place during transition is immense. It is almost like a rebirth. One has to completely let go of everything before the emergence of a new reality appears. Little did I know that I was about to begin my exciting yet unnerving journey of transition. That book came at just the right time to prepare me for it.

I used to be a very logical person. I was more comfortable using my head instead of my heart to make decisions. Not only that, I was always trying to think or analyse my way through Life. One of my mind’s favourite pastimes was to figure out the destination for every possible route in my life. My training as a pharmacist has undoubtedly enhanced my process-based thinking skills too.

As I ventured along the journey of self-discovery, I realise that sometimes the best answers lay within my heart and not my mind. It is the knowing that lies deep within, still and unwavering. It is a constant tug of war between the heart and mind but if I quiet myself down and listen, the answer appears.

I listened to my heart when I quit my job as a Product Manager in a pharmaceutical firm without any back-up plan or financial backing. I reached a threshold point when I concluded that enough is enough and I no longer want to lie to myself. I no longer want to bend and conform to what others want me to be. I wanted to break the limiting thought I have that I need to have another job waiting for me before I have the guts to quit my current job. I did not want to succumb to the thought that I have to fit in to survive in the corporate world. I know that disease strikes when a person is out of alignment from their natural being and disease has to be treated from the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspect. Tablets alone cannot cure disease. It merely alleviates the symptoms.

I would never have the courage to do so if I had listened to my clever, little mind which was bombarding me with remarks like “But you aren’t a pharmacist?”, “What if you don’t find a job that pays you as well?”, “How are you going to survive?”, and many more. Sound familiar?

I quit my job anyway. I was literally on a high for the entire month that I was serving my notice period. I did not know what I was going to do but I tasted true FREEDOM. Freedom like I have never experienced before. Freedom from the self-made limitations of my convoluted mind and from the views held by the masses.

The conflict within me about my job has always been there. Sometimes I was able to ignore it; sometimes it can be suppressed with alcohol, food, shopping and other distractions. After some time, the stirrings became more and more distinct – they were begging to be noticed. My soul was in pain. I became more distressed because it seemed like I was selling my soul for money. I was pretending to be someone I was not, playing small in order not to ruffle feathers at work. I knew I had a lot to contribute to the world, to society but I was afraid to shine, to step into my own greatness. On the contrary, I played safe in order to blend in (unwilling to step into unchartered territory). The knowing that I am here to make a difference to the world has been there from as far as I could remember. Finally, I listened to that little voice in my heart when the pain became unbearable.

The scariest part of the 3 phases of transition is the second phase – the neutral zone. Everyone is afraid of the unknown. Strange! And yet, it is from the nothing where everything is possible. This crazy mind – always wanting to know everything. “What is the next step? Where am I heading?” I ignored these worrying thoughts and focused on clearing the mind, trusting that an answer would soon come.

It was in this space of not-knowing that I had the brilliant idea of starting a holistic centre. Holding tightly to the intention of sharing with others the tools that had helped me heal the wounds of my childhood and better my life, I started to figure out how. I certainly did not have the financial capacity to do it on my own so I needed to find partners. Who would share this dream with me?

I signed up for a spiritual retreat in Nepal after I quit my job. I still laugh when I reminisce about the chronology of events that led to the trip. It was a choice made based on complete trust in the Universe. There will be a safety net when I jumped with absolute faith. I have always liked to experiment with things to see if they work – especially spiritual principles. Buddha once said “Never trust anything anyone says, not even me.”

One fine day, Mum asked me to go to Nepal after she had a vision in a meditation that something awaits me in Nepal and positive changes will happen for me after the trip. Initially, I refused to go as I could not afford it. I had less than RM 10,000 in the bank! I was even furious with her. Which Mum in the world would ask her jobless daughter to spend her last ringgits on a trip to some mystical place to seek for answers? I meditated upon it and somehow I got a message that I must go.

Two days before my departure to Nepal, I was brought back to reality when my then-boyfriend’s car window got smashed and my bag was taken away. I lost all the money I have saved up to purchase goods from Nepal.  I was devastated. My dream of starting a holistic centre suddenly seemed so far away. In the midst of my crumbling dream, I experienced Mum’s unconditional love when she gave me some money in support of my dream – for me to go ahead with my plan to source for products in Nepal.

I have lived my life based on the principle that my inner reality creates my outer reality. “As within, so without.” I have been living in this manner for a long time. I leave my belongings around without any second thoughts about its safety, I travel alone in strange places and make friends with total strangers all the time, and I drive around without locking my car doors. I refuse to believe in fear. After I recovered from the initial shock, I felt as though my entire reality was shaken. Part of me was confused. A Course of Miracles emphasised that “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists.” How real is my reality? Many philosophical questions ran through my mind, leaving a mark of uncertainty.

I was without a mobile phone, my identity card, and credit cards for the next 3 weeks as I travelled to Nepal and subsequently, Bali (a pre-planned holiday booked 11 months earlier – thanks to cheap fares from AirAsia). Feelings of insecurity crept into my psyche from time to time. When I was conscious enough, I embraced it and reminded myself that it is not real. It is just another fleeting thought and it will pass. I was certain that I will not succumb to fear-based thoughts. I chanted a mantra that goes like this -  “I am thankful for abundance of wealth is flowing into my life, I am thankful for the comfort, freedom and joy in spending and enjoying money, I am thankful for money is flowing freely in my life trusting in whatever ways it comes to me.” It was an everyday battle. It took a lot of will-power and faith. I realised that my self-worth is not based on the amount of money in my bank account, my job or rather the lack of one, my identity cards, my contacts or my belongings. I tested out the Law of Attraction. It really works. I could manifest abundance by feeling abundant within. Abundance came in many ways – a free meal, a warm assuring hug, little gifts or opportunities to make more money.

I discovered my inner strength which unveiled itself during this trial period. The real I is strong yet vulnerable, firm yet flexible, unchanging yet flowing with life. Everything is replaceable. My credit cards are replaceable, money is replaceable, my identity card is replaceable, my favourite bag is replaceable.

During the retreat in Nepal, I met 2 other Malaysians who became my partners. I am eternally grateful to these 2 human angels who shared my dream and stood beside me to make the dream a reality. The next 2 months after Nepal was a whirlwind of activity to shape The Violet Flame. I had no clue as to what The Violet Flame would look like. I took one day at a time. Listening to the voice within, I heeded the instructions I was given and The Violet Flame was formed. Like MAGIC!

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

—Harriet Tubman (1820-1913); American escaped slave, abolitionist, humanitarian

By Chim Li Yen (Feb 09)